Feeling Fat

Understanding “Feeling Fat”: Causes, Effects, and Coping Strategies

As a clinical psychologist in Melbourne who uses the Health at Every Size (HAES) approach, I frequently encounter clients grappling with the distressing and upsetting experience of “feeling fat.” This is actually quite common despite the fact that fat is not a feeling! “Feeling fat” is a term often used to describe underlying emotions or unresolved issues that need your attention. It might be feeling lonely, unloved, unfulfilled or anxious. It could be just about any emotion. In this blog post, we’ll dive into what “feeling fat” really means, explore why you are feeling fat, and discuss what you can do so you stop feeling fat.

What Does “Feeling Fat” Mean?

“Feeling fat” is not about the actual physical presence of fat; it’s about how someone perceives themselves in relation to their body image and beauty standards. When people say they “feel fat,” they are often expressing a complex mix of emotions such as anxiety, sadness, loneliness, or self-criticism. This feeling is usually more about emotional distress and bad body image rather than a true reflection of body size. This is why many people feel fat even if they are not objectively fat. This is also why objectively fat people don’t feel fat and can be very happy with their body.

If you’re struggling with feeling fat, an eating disorder psychologist in Melbourne can help unpack these feelings and explore the real issues behind them. Often, people feel fat when something is not going well in their life and the obvious solution (thanks Diet Culture) is to focus on one’s body as it is the ‘easiest’ thing to control. The reality is that your body does not need to be controlled, and a psychologist can help you unpack what is actually happening. It’s important to recognize that fat is simply a descriptor—neither good nor bad. It’s like “blue eyes” or “red carpet”. Red carpet is not good or bad, it just is!

Why Do We Experience “Feeling Fat”?

There are several reasons why you might experience “feeling fat,” including:

1. Cultural and Social Influences: Societal standards promote thinness as the ideal body type, often equating it with beauty, success, and health. This pervasive messaging can lead individuals to develop a negative body image, particularly if they don’t fit the narrow societal mold. And most people don’t fit this mold!
2. Emotional Distress: Stress, anxiety, or depression can manifest in various ways, including body dissatisfaction. In these cases, “feeling fat” becomes a projection of internal struggles onto one’s physical appearance. Sometimes, it is easier for your brain to blame your body and fat cells for all your misfortunes, especially if this is what you have historically done.
3. Body Dysmorphia: For some individuals, “feeling fat” is a symptom of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), where they become fixated on perceived flaws that may not reflect reality. If you look in the mirror and see something totally different to what your friends and family see, please find a psychologist near you that you vibe with. Don’t suffer with this awful illness, it can suck the joy out of many years of your life.
4. Gender Identity and Body Image: Those who live in a gender incongruent with their physical appearance may also experience “feeling fat.” For example, a transgender man might feel distress if fat distribution emphasizes feminine traits such as breasts, while a transgender woman might struggle if muscle mass contributes to a more masculine appearance. It is common for disordered eating patterns to emerge as coping tools for managing these intense emotions and attempting to control the fat and muscle distribution.
5. Weight gain: Objectively gaining some weight can make you feel fat, even if objectively you are not fat, just bigger than you were before. Our bodies change throughout our lives, and gaining weight is not a sign of your weakness or morality! You are not supposed to look the same! Even celebrities with tons of money and personal trainers and many resources at their fingertips do not manage to look the same, they also age and their bodies change (although, to a lesser degree because their career depends on their appearance). Women’s bodies especially change a lot throughout the lifespan, and it is something we need to celebrate. It is a beautiful thing to give birth, to develop smile lines, to get a few more wrinkles from all the days at the beach. You are not a statue or a vase that is displayed for aesthetic purposes to be a decorative object. You are a human being with a body that enables you to enjoy life and many experiences.

If you’re Googling “psychologist near me” so you can address feeling fat, make sure they practice from a Health at Every Size modality. And make sure you they seem like someone you can vibe with. The biggest gains in therapy come from the relationship you have with your psychologist, so take your time and pick someone you truly feel connected to.

Unpacking “Feeling Fat”: Identifying the True Emotions

When you are feeling fat, you’re not actually feeling fat because fat is not a feeling. Are you feeling confused reading this? It’s okay if you are, confused is an actual feeling. Next time you’re feeling fat, ask yourself these questions:

• What are the real emotions at play? Are you feeling anxious, sad, or insecure? Are you feeling unloved or unlovable? Do you feel betrayed?
• What triggered this sensation? Did a particular event or thought lead you to focus on your body size? Are you wearing jeans that are too small for you and making you feel uncomfortable and focus on your body? Are you bloated today? Did you skip exercise for a week and feeling guilty?
• What are you communicating through this expression? Are you seeking comfort, reassurance, or self-acceptance? Are you trying to solve the underlying causes by working on your body? Spoiler: it won’t work and changing your body will not solve underlying issues.

As a clinical psychologist, I work with clients to help them identify and address the underlying issues causing someone to feel fat. Through therapy, we can dismantle the harmful belief systems that tie body size to self-worth and address the actual issues causing someone to feel unhappy. Therapy is hard work, and the underlying issues can take months, sometimes years, to address. However, by addressing the root cause of your distressing emotions you gain freedom to live your life on your terms instead of spending years focusing on your body.

Strategies to Cope with “Feeling Fat” to Start Using Today

1. Challenge Societal Norms: Acknowledge that societal beauty standards are both narrow and often unattainable. Embracing body diversity is key to developing a healthier self-image. Also dive into feminist literature and good old Google to find out how these beauty standards came about. A book I recommend to all of my clients is: The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. If you do nothing else, read this book. Especially if you identify as female!
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Remember, your body is worthy of respect and care, regardless of its size. Your appearance and body is the least interesting thing about you. Not convinced? Think about the person you love the most in this world. Would you stop loving them if they gained or lost weight? Would you refuse to hug them if their body changed? Has their body actually changed since you’ve known them? And if so, did you love them less?
3. Focus on Health, Not Weight: Shift the focus from weight to overall health. Engage in behaviors that promote mental and physical well-being, such as intuitive eating, joyful movement, stress management and fun activities that make you smile and recharge your battery. Losing weight is not the same as getting healthy. Quite the opposite in most cases.
4. Unpack Internalized Fat Phobia: Reflect on how societal messages about fatness and thinness have influenced how you see yourself. Working to unlearn these harmful beliefs can lead to a more positive body image and self-acceptance.
5. Seek Professional Support: If “feeling fat” is significantly impacting your life, seeking help from a professional—such as an eating disorder psychologist in Melbourne—can provide you with the tools and strategies needed to improve your body image and self-esteem. And if after reading all of this you’re still thinking “but I AM fat and this is why I feel so awful” definitely seek support because your body is not to blame and an eating disorder specialist psychologist can help you.

Fat Is Not a Feeling: Embrace Your Emotions and All Bodies are Good Bodies

The sensation of “feeling fat” is complex, rooted in societal norms, emotional struggles, and internalized beliefs. However, by recognizing that fat is not a feeling and exploring the true emotions and real issues behind this sensation, you can begin to heal your relationship with your body and improve the things in your life causing you to feel upset in the first place.

All bodies deserve dignity and respect. All bodies are good bodies! Repeat this every day until you believe it and don’t resign yourself to a life in a body you hate.

If you’re struggling with “feeling fat” or bad body image, don’t hesitate to reach out for support to your loved ones or to a mental health professional. Whether you’re looking for a psychologist in Melbourne or simply need guidance on how to process difficult feelings, help is available.

The information provided in this blog post is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical or psychological advice. While we aim to offer helpful insights into disordered eating and related topics, it is important to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or mental health provider for personalized advice and treatment.